FUNNY ARTICLE ABOUT SEX

I'm shocked by the number of times I've heard women choosing 'sense of humour' as the top quality they'd want in the man of their dreams, over qualities that seem fairly obvious - beautiful face, beautiful body, not Chetan Bhagat, and so on. I say 'shocked', because from first-hand experience, I can assure you, they are lying.

I caught on earlier in the day, that 'love at first sight' happens only if you look like Hrithik Roshan, or if you are standing really, really far away from the girl and if, well, the girl likes falling in love with people who are standing really, really far away. Unfortunately, I don't look like Hrithik, and even more unfortunately, I'm usually invisible from really, really far away too, so I realized that 'love at first sight's' not going to work for me. That's when I decided to entice women using my superpower of 'Knock knock' jokes.

But that was in vain too. I spent an entire childhood trying to make girls laugh at my jokes but failed miserably… because, let's face it, the joke kind-of dies at 'Knock Knock?' 'Get lost, loser!'. But I didn't give up. I had to try and get girls to relate 'funny' with my personality, and not just my looks. So I'd prepare jokes at home, memorize them in my superhero brain, and then, during an ongoing conversation with a hot girl, try and intelligently, shrewdly and carefully take the conversation in the direction of the topic I had a joke prepared on. Something like this:

Me: Hey, hot girl.

Hot girl: *Puke*

Me: Oh, speaking of which, did you hear this joke about racism, religion, chauvinism, ugly people and anything else that would be sure to offend you in general?

Hot girl: *Complains to teacher*

What women want. NOT.

It took me more failures than Uday Chopra to understand that being called 'funny' by a girl, is No 4 on the list of things girls call guys whom they will never sleep with, after 'Bhaiyya', 'Nice person' and 'Engineer' (All of which I soon ended up becoming TOGETHER, by the way). Here's a fact: I was reading a magazine's 'Most Desirable Men' list (I had bought the magazine because of the bikini girl on its cover and NOT because of this list, I swear)… and guess what I found on it? Names of allll 5-6 and above-pack guys. Guess who I DIDN'T find on it? Johnny Lever. VJ Jose. Archana Puran Singh. Navjot Singh Siddhu

Seriously, even if you take the most not good looking guys who have something else going for them (good body, good relatives, good profession) and compare them with the funniest guys with similar perks, the results are obvious:

Abhishek Bachchan – Not funny. Is married to AISHWARYA RAI.

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Govinda – Very funny. Not married to Aishwarya Rai.

Harman Baweja – Not funny. Dated PRIYANKA CHOPRA.

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Navjot Singh Siddhu – Very funny. Came close to dating Shekhar Suman.

Emraan Hashmi – Not funny. Kissed MANY HOT GIRLS.

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Ritesh Deshmukh – Very funny. Was offered Dostana.

And that's the truth of the matter, people. Let's not lie to the world and admit it once and for all - Funny guys in males are the equivalent of bhartiya naris in females. Everyone wants to marry them, but no one wants to have sex with them.

Sigh.

MY APPOINTMENTS WITH GOD!!!

Here it goes:-

ME: Oh mighty God!!! Please give me a seat in the IITs.

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Blah blah blah….”

GOD: You bloody moron!!! Finally you came to me…now take NITC and get lost…

(pure revenge for not offering regular prayers)

ME: Ok... :-( …give me Mech.

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Give me something that I’ll absolutely loath.”

GOD: Take Chem n get lost.

For 2yrs I forgot God and worked my ass off.

And then someday…

ME: Wassup god!!!

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Namastey sir ji…sab badhiya…”

GOD: Hey, you have changed a lot…:-)…tell me what do you want now…

ME: INTERNSHIP!!!

WHAT GOD HEARD: “It high time you give me something good.”

GOD: Take IIMs.

ME: :-)...you must be kidding...

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Thanks a lot…”

GOD: Now get lost and go get a life kid…

Ah, I’m in final year now. Time for an appointment with GOD.

ME: Namastey God ji.

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Namastey God ji.”

GOD: Now what?

ME: Placements.

WHAT GOD HEARD: “Gimme some sun shine, gimme some rain!!!”

GOD: Son!!! You will get what you deserve. You have to wait for all the good things in life.

ME: Blah blah blah…

Yipee!!! Got ZS Associates!!!

ME: Thanks a lot God.

WHAT GOD HEARD: “I’ve realized that you have to wait for all the good things in life.”

GOD: :-)… Enjoy and don’t stop here, keep working hard…:-)

So,it all ends here???

Hello, I'm back. I have been away from the scene for several months now. Well, I’ve been a bit too busy lately with placements and exams. Last few months were pretty hectic but also pretty happening (afterall I got placed :D).

Anyway, I'm all set to return to another semester of college. “Finally in final semester”, after many many semesters. Definitely I’m happy that I won’t have to do anything even remotely related to Chemical Engineering for the rest of my life (hopefully), still there is this feeling of nostalgia.

The absence of some of the people I have lived with and enjoyed so much of the last four years will leave a huge void, but it got me thinking. The only thing that is 'permanent' is 'change'. Quite a cliched paradox, but very much true nevertheless. People will come into our lives, do wonderful things, enlighten us, spend some of the most memorable moments and then go away, never to meet again. Lord Alfred Tennyson said it with respect to a brook, but it is equally true for us humans.

“Men may come and men may go, but I go on forever” (till I die of course).

Of course, the advent of technology (read Twitter and Facebook and Orkut) means I will still know that person A had 'Pizza @ Dominos' today and that he's now in a relationship with B and that B had gone shopping today and that 67 people like this fact. But, who really cares about what 'A' ate and what 'B' bought, especially when you are miles apart. Evidently, the only interesting thing that you get to know through these networking sites is who is now “in a relationship” with whom and who just broke up and is single again and is possibly on the lookout for a prospective mate. But, I am digressing from the point here.

The point is that nothing you do will make those times come back (unless you invent a time machine). And you just have to learn to move on and make new friends and acquaintances. I'm not saying you forget people. By all means keep in touch. But it is no longer possible to barge into their room at any time or nick some food from their cupboard or just sit around gossiping all day long; because they are gone.

Ohhh! I’m gonna miss everyone so much.